Wednesday, August 25, 2010, started out fine. Tony phoned me that morning. He’d gone for breakfast after we’d disconnected and sent me a picture he’d taken during his meal. All was not fine when he dialed me up once more later that afternoon.
Tony lamenting about his predicament with pseudo wife was grating on my nerves. Within the short time frame of my earlier contact with him and then, she’d done or said something that had set him off. It mystified me that he clearly had the capability to permanently remedy the rough situation but would not do so.
From my viewpoint, on the one side, my State Policeman was the epitome of masculine, an alpha male who wouldn’t put up with flack from anybody -- to some degree that’s what made him attractive to me; on the flipside, here was a guy who repeatedly demonstrated he couldn’t stand up to his abusive girlfriend, catered to her any and every wish even if it meant sacrificing plans he’d already made for himself or doing junk and going places he had no interest in merely to please her.
Up until this particular conversation, I hadn’t brought it up that, days before, I’d gotten wind from a mutual acquaintance about how harmonious Ms. Priebe and Special Agent Gattuso were together in front of their friends. Considering he was giving me an ideal opportunity to, I decided to confront Tony with the contrary information.
My officer reiterated his method of going along to get along with Brenda. He assured me their public displays of affection -- I noted he didn’t deny they occurred -- were every bit an act on his part.
Things didn’t add up and, unlike I had in the past, I refused to drop it. First I was grumpy, then I was miserable. What I found remarkable was that no matter how hard I pressed him, he stuck to his guns; he never varied his story. I think it’s what made it believable.
He said people didn’t see what his life was actually like when he and she were alone, that I was the sole outsider who knew it was rocky. He upheld his fear of her foul temper and stressed even an allegation of domestic violence from her against him would cost him his job. When he kept telling me how sorry he was for sucking me into their dysfunctional relationship, I felt terribly guilty for ever doubting him. I ended up apologizing multiple times for questioning him. Well into the evening I was still chastising myself for being such a horrible person to him and worrying that I’d made him mad. He deserved better, from her and me both.
Showing posts with label Self-Reproach. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self-Reproach. Show all posts
Chat with DJ Vox
from DJ Vox
to TF JADE
date Wed, Aug 25, 2010 at 9:03 PM
subject Chat with DJ Vox
These messages were sent while you were offline.
from DJ Vox
to TF JADE
date Wed, Aug 25, 2010 at 9:28 PM
subject Chat with DJ Vox
to TF JADE
date Wed, Aug 25, 2010 at 9:03 PM
subject Chat with DJ Vox
These messages were sent while you were offline.
9:03 PM DJ: allo?
from DJ Vox
to TF JADE
date Wed, Aug 25, 2010 at 9:28 PM
subject Chat with DJ Vox
9:28 PM DJ: allo?
me: hi :)
9:29 PM are you okay?
DJ: why would I be angry?
me: I don't know. I just don't want you to be.
9:30 PM you might be mad cause I was bitchy
or sobby
or whatever
DJ: No
and no
and no
me: aww...
you sure?
DJ: yes.
9:31 PM me: are you okay?
9:32 PM DJ: sad... I'm sad that my messed up life has leaked onto yours (not that yours is messed up)
me: :(
9:33 PM can I make it up to you somehow?
what can I do?
DJ: keep being honest.
me: that seems to be what made you sad
9:34 PM DJ: Not your honesty... my messedupedness.
me: but like you said I already knew about your alleged messedupedness
and that wasn't the whole of the info I had
9:35 PM I shoulda ignored what I was given
I'm really really sorry
I don't want you sad
9:36 PM I dfinitely don't want to be the one who makes you sad
definitely either
DJ: I'll be fine.
:)<<<<<< see?
9:37 PM me: are you smiling?
DJ: sorta. I'm making the effort....
me: I could find some sexy pictures of redheads for you if you want
would they make you smile?
;)
DJ: not yet.
9:38 PM did you fix your printer?
me: yes!
DJ: how?
me: I have a new printer
it's the scanner type
got it all installed and good to go
woohoo!
9:39 PM I still have to dl something for the scanner part
but whatever
third time really IS a charm
Yay!
DJ: What will you be printing?
9:40 PM me: I have no idea
hahaha...
DJ: and you were so worried.
9:41 PM or stressed.. (not the good kind)
me: what -- about the printer?
9:42 PM DJ: yep
9:43 PM me: I was annoyed that I couldn't get things to fall into place
it's legitimate concern
9:45 PM me: pretty
is this your way of saying you don't need me to find you redheads
?
9:46 PM DJ: No.
I'm more interested in you sending what YOU like.
me: what do you think of her outfit -- aside from the lack of a shirt?
DJ: I'll send what I like... we'll meet in the middle.
9:47 PM she'd be hot in burlap.. it's the attitude. Love girls in jeans.... she'd look fine even if there was a t under the jacket.
9:48 PM almost nothing hotter than a girl in a pair of mens 501s.
me: hmm...
9:49 PM 501s are not fitted
9:50 PM DJ: I fooped...
closed the whole window instead of a tab
9:51 PM me: what was the last comment you got from me?
9:52 PM DJ: You asked about her clothes I think
me: DJ: almost nothing hotter than a girl in a pair of mens 501s.
me: hmm...
501s are not fitted
me: hmm...
501s are not fitted
9:54 PM DJ: They are hot BECAUSE they are not fitted.
her shape makes it happen...
that's attitude
DJ: nice
it's a living vargas girl!
holy hell!
9:57 PM DJ: I've seen her before... :)
!
oh my gosh... you've seen her and didn't share?
9:58 PM DJ: Before you.
9:59 PM if you like that kind of stuff, google deta von tease
(I htink that's the name)
me: ICK! I despise Dita
blech
yuck
no
nonono no!
10:00 PM DJ: oooookay
just thought it was similar... perhaps she's changed lately.
10:01 PM me: Dita is commercialized fakey classless... ick
me: she's cheeseball not cheesecake
10:02 PM DJ: 10-4
10:03 PM me: the puppydog ears hair-do sucks but she's got great... lips
DJ: skin/hands
10:04 PM me: voluptuous
DJ: not a nice pose for her.
10:06 PM me: no?
that one is posed weird, but she is HOT
DJ: Um.... agreed
10:08 PM me: strip her tats away and she'd be perfect looks-wise for you
DJ: nah... I like them.
fer instance:
10:09 PM http://imghost.1x.com/34321.jpg
10:10 PM me: well, there are females that are so beautiful you can overlook their tats and there are ones that have the tats so you can overlook how unbeautiful they are
the one you linked to is the former
obviously
10:11 PM DJ: But I like YOUR looks.. how do you account for that?
me: I am the latter
10:12 PM DJ: I don't see you that way.
THe following is just strange looking to me... or am I weird?:
10:13 PM me: bad cosmetic surgery
DJ: ah... that makes sense.
10:15 PM me: the only thing I find appealing in that picture is the headboard
DJ: ah
me: do you like it?
10:16 PM DJ: it appeals.
10:17 PM That over the shoulder thing.....
you go for the "come hither" look, eh?
10:18 PM DJ: Yum... that and the touching self does it for me too.
10:20 PM me: I imagine so, touching self is blatantly sexual
10:21 PM DJ: It's a confidence thing too... someone who's afraid or unsure of how to touch them selves will be very poor at touching anyone else also.
me: here is one I don't care for but you may like: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l6usl4PlTY1qa1zngo1_500.jpg
10:22 PM well, I am quite sure I know how to touch myself and touch others but I don't know that I'd be too inclined to demonstrate touching myself
10:23 PM DJ: not so much her.
But you'd watch me ;)
10:24 PM me: would LOVE to watch you
10:25 PM me: that one is ho-hum
not enough face
DJ: But I like it.
me: but too much face to be erotic
why do you like it?
10:26 PM just due to the hair color?
DJ: I think partially...
sometimes I can't even put a finger on it.
10:28 PM tell me what you think of this one: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l6r9q2nOL01qa1zngo1_500.jpg
10:29 PM DJ: cute....
me: really?
DJ: "perky..."
but not so much sexy.
fine line there.
me: she's freakin' ugly!
ewwww....
10:30 PM DJ: see.. we have different tastes in women.
I don't think she's at all ugly.
10:31 PM me: maybe you're just that stuck on the hair color... it makes you blind
try that one
DJ: scary eyes...
could be cute though.
fair warning...I"m fading.
me: :(
10:32 PM well I am happy you played with me tonight
DJ: always like it.
shall I buzz you in the am?
me: please do
DJ: Yes'm
10:33 PM Night.
me: sleep well
